The problem of infertility is very real. It can only be known in its total nature by those affected.
No amount of explanation would be enough to put you in their shoes if you are not wearing it or, have never worn it. If one has not suffered infertility or has been having an easy conception, it might be hard to understand really what it means to not be able to conceive.
Many women and couples, including highly educated ones, have descended to the lowest levels of doing ridiculous things commanded by some herbalists and spiritual/religious opportunists and crooks just to have a child or be able to conceive. They have gotten involved in some very unethical and unorthodox practices just in the hope that it works to solve their problem, yet people ridicule them for using a more scientific method to achieve their desires of becoming parents.
It is a sick
society. It is rather a sick set of people living among healthy folks in the society.
Many cases of people who are trying to conceive (TTC) abound, but are kept secret. May couples are struggling with infertility which cause could be either from the woman or the man. Many couples get pregnant even before they were officially married.
Some welcome a baby with their first attempt at conception but many others have had to wait for years, some a few years while others have waited for close to a decade before having their first child.
At this point, the real test of marriage comes up in full glare and it’s never always easy for anyone going through this trial.
Never easy no matter how they appear on the outside.
I have a friend, a top government official who had their first child soon after marriage but waited for 18 years to have the next two. This case is known as secondary infertility- a situation where one experiences delays after having a child.
The reasons are as numerous as the same reasons that could prevent one from conceiving for the first time.
Even though there is certain secrecy,a weird type of “hush-hush” attitude about the assessing Invitro-Fertilization in Nigeria (and Africa), it might surprise you to discover that many people are actually using this method to achieve conception and fulfillment of becoming parents in their marriage.
What could be more fulfilling than having a child in one’s marriage and sharing that joy together as a couple? And what could be more distressful that not having it (for those who want children), or having to wait for years, uncertain and anxious?
How is it done? How can you assess the clinics? How much is the cost?
These and more questions will be answered in the next article in this series.
At the end of this article, I will give you a list of the many fertility clinics across Nigeria and depending on your city; you can check them out and see what you can do.
People tend to frown at any other means of achieving conception apart from the natural means of sexual intercourse and the normal processes. They also look down on women who give birth by caesarean section instead of vaginally.
They claim that any woman who hasn’t “pushed” a baby before isn’t woman enough and hasn’t some “right” to speak in the “committee of real women”. This fallacy is unfortunately also espoused by many literate or enlightened women; and they look down on other women who have been passing through serious psychological pains due to inability to conceive or inability to have a baby vaginally.
These are mere assumptions and are very false. Not only are these false but shameful to be noted among women who claim to be educated.
In fact, the two main methods that childless couples could use are all frowned at together with “a procedure” that makes delivery easier and safer for women who are having it hard: Cesarean section(CS)
- Invitro fertilization (IVF) or use of assisted reproductive technology (ART)
What they seem not to know or understand; or maybe, what they knew but aren’t able to declare openly is that, many women are out there who cannot get pregnant unless by artificial means due to certain structural or physiological issues.
There are also many women who cannot deliver vaginally because of some issues hence the need to opt for CS (Cesarean section) and IVF.Meanwhile there are women who simply want to have their babies by CS instead of going through the pains of labor.It’s a choice.
Did you know that some women also condemn the use of pain killers during labor? Ask them why and let’s know the replies they gave you.
The after effect of this “stigmatization” is often silent but, shows as hypocrisy and pretense in the lives of the affected women. They would begin to deny what they are passing through. These women have their babies by CS but would keep it top secret and never allow anyone to know about the circumstances of their delivery.
What is supposed to be a source of joy to a woman becomes her discomfort and makes her self-conscious? Sometimes, even their closest friends may not be intimated of their whereabouts until their baby is born and they are back home.
Almost all women who go to fertility clinics never say what they are there for. They would never disclose their status just to avoid the abuse and disrespect of society, especially from fellow women who would see them as second class women.
It is ridiculous, crude but true. It’s crazy to know that certain things happen in our society.
The fertility clinics, though expensive make thousands of registrations each year but your friends wouldn’t tell you because you might look down on them. The orphanages and their relevant government regulators make thousands of entries each year for adoption but you may not know and those friends of yours who adopt the kids may not tell you because of your reaction.
Check out hospital records, see the thousands of Cesarean Sections done every month and you’ll be amazed. Probably, your friend just had that baby you went to see yesterday by CS but didn’t want to tell you because you might ignorantly begin to see her as lower than every other woman, despite your acclaimed education and exposure; hence she kept it from you.
Before ending this article I wish to commend all women who have the courage to be going through the pains ,disappointments, anxieties, physiological changes and risks involved in these procedures’ wish to comment who go through CS and are bold enough to be themselves.
I also commend all the couples who finally opted for adoption. It takes a whole new shift, a radical transcultural shift, and courage to go for adoption. It takes a larger than life heart to brace up to it.The end point of it all is to be able to find that fulfillment of a family having a child to share your love with.
Loneliness is no more feared as you are assured that you’ve got some people to stay close even on the evening of your lives.
I wish also to commend the husbands of the women who pass through these, especially the IVF trials.
They are really brave and I salute their courage. Patience and support. With perseverance, you all will smile after all the battle and that cry of a baby in the home instantly pales and even vaporizes all the pains of yesterday.
Please note that awesomemombsblog does not endorse any of the clinics and would not be held responsible for any loss or failures in the use of any of the clinics.We are only showing a list of what is on ground to help.
Ensure that you do a proper check before signing up with any of them you intend to use.
You can ask around to find out what is obtained from the ones that were recommended or the ones you have heard about more often and then decide if it is good for you or not.
Click on the link below to check out the list:
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